Grandma Ben's Handy Hints To Save You Time & Improve Your Life


To decrease long distance call charges, consider moving to the place you are calling.

Often you can reduce the cost of cell-phone calls by being closer to the person you are calling: a few steps will save you cents per minute and dollars per day!

Telecom don't want you to know, but operators at 111 will often transfer you through to any given number free of charge if you ask politely.

Computers (Basic)

Long passwords are difficult passwords: choose a short password that's an easy to remember every-day word, this way you are less likely to forget it.

Have the same password for all the computer services you use, this way you won't need to remember multiple passwords.

Have different passwords for all the computer services you use, this way if you forget one of them you will still be able to use services reliant on the others.

Online banks and heavily used sites (like TradeMe) often lose customer data because of the vast amount of traffic they receive. If such a site emails you asking you to update your data, be sure to carefully follow the links given and re-enter your data exactly as it was. Beware, if the data you provide does not match the data you originally gave you may lose access to the site.

Computers (Advanced)

Computers have a built-in battery powered obselecence device. Opening the case and removing the battery will stop any manufacturer imposed time-based slowdowns.

Water cooling can dramatically increase computer performance. Seal any external holes with a silicon based sealant, and pour a 50:1 water/salt mix inside the case to unlock hidden performance!

If you run your own SMTP server, make sure it is an "open relay": this will set your computer to use "open-source" software which is more stable and reliable than non-open-source software.


Want to cut down on petrol costs? Half fill your tank with petrol and top it off with water. You may notice a slight decrease in acceleration but the savings make up for it.

Sometimes your car may emit a tone when you open the driver's door after driving at night: close the door to stop the tone.

If you are going to be away from your car for an extended period of time leave a window open or door ajar: intruders will think someone is in the car and won't break in.

If you have an expensive stereo system in your car leave it in plain sight. Thieves will recognize your car as an obvious "honeypot" and not target it.

It is a little known fact that car batteries are far in excess of capacity. To prevent flat batteries, carry a single 1.5V AA battery, and in the event of a flat simply connect between the positive and negative terminals and procced to start your car.

Enabling 'Closed Caller Groups' with the number '00000' on you Nokia cellular telephone will cause it to beep, alerting you to police radar presence. Consider this a cheap alternative to illegal radar detectors.


Avoid paying two energy bills by using your car to heat your house. Simply run a hose from the exhaust pipe of your car in through your house window and leave your car idling. Because the revs are so low this is very efficient and your car will have excellent MPG whilst keeping you toasty warm.

To improve the life of your smoke detector battery take it out and only put it back in when you are expecting your house to catch on fire.


When you go on holiday place a sign on your front lawn letting your neighbours know what days you are away from and to watch your house for intruders.

If you leave a window open while you're away intruders will think somebody is home and they won't break in.

Deter would-be thieves by leaving all your appliances and lights switched on, they will think somebody is home using them.


Write factually correct essays and reports using Uncyclopedia. The site contains numerous encyclopedia quality articles that can be copied as required.


Rip pages out of a book as you read it, that way you will always know where you left off.

Cool bottles of beer quickly by pouring liquid nitrogen over them.

Got a handy hint I can add? Email me: ben AT beneboy DOT com

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